Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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