just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize