I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize