if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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