I bet he comes in French.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
we should paint friendship bongs
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