You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
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I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
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He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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