i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize