If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize