I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
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bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
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Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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