we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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