Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
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so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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