my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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