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lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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