So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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