Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize