I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize