I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
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I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i came on her dog
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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