So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Everclear isn't food dammit
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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