He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize