the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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