i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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