What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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