Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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