The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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