He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize