I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
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We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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