We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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