I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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