i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
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I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
did you just send me my own nude
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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