Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
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Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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