Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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