My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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