1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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