I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
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Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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