FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
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I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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