You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The best revenge is premature balding
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
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you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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