I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize