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Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
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