I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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