May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
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At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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