Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
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