what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize