it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize