He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
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I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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