I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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