She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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