If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize