god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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