i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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