I bet he comes in French.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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